Tuesday, 16 March 2010 13:06 | and posted in Sex & Relationships
Girl meets boy; she gives up her dreams to be with him, while the boy keeps doing and going the same as before she arrived on the scene.
Does this sound familiar? I see or hear of this kind of thing regularly. The girl nearly always seems to lay down her dreams first and make the biggest sacrifices in order to make the relationship work. Why is this?
I think it’s a form of submission. A weird, twisted, holyfied vision of how women should submit to men.*
I think the first reason for this is the “curse” in Genesis 3:16, “Your [a woman’s] desire will be for your husband and he will rule over you.” Women consequently put their man and his dreams before themselves and their own dreams and look to him to lead because of this curse. But post Jesus’ death and resurrection should Christian women still be living under this curse??
The second reason for female submission is a misreading of Ephesians 5:22-33. This passage actually starts in Eph 5:21 where we are all told to submit to one another, which includes men submitting to women does it not? We do this to align ourselves with Jesus’ way of life – a way where we die to ourselves so that others can live.
In the Greek, Eph 5:22 reads: ‘Wives, to your husbands as to the Lord’. Now read the English version. We add an extra verb! When Paul was writing this to the Church in Ephesus he wasn’t asking women to do anything different from everyone else!! He was calling everyone to put other people’s needs ahead of their own.
The next thing to notice in that while Eph 5:24 repeats the idea of wives submitting to their husbands the rest of the passage (Eph 5:25-33) is a series of commands to the men: Love your wives (Eph 5:25), love your wives (Eph 5:28), and love your wife (Eph 5:33). How should men do this? Like Christ loves the church (Eph 5:25 and 5:29) – sacrifice, surrender, vulnerability, willingness, selflessness, death.
Your wife is worth dying for is the overwhelming message Paul is communicating here.
Yes, the wife is called to submit, but the man is called to submit first.** He is to lead by demonstrating how to sacrifice, submit and die to self. He is to lead by providing a safe environment for his wife to do the same. What if all men loved women this way?
At this point the argument against what I’m saying is normally phrased like this: “But when push comes to shove and a really tough decision has to be made someone’s got to take the lead and that is the man according to the Bible.”***
This passage from Ephesians does not say this. In fact it’s talking about mutual submission. It’s talking about losing track of who is in charge. In Eph 5:31-32 Paul talks about the “profound mystery” of how “two will become one flesh.” The only way that two people can become one flesh is if in the tough times decisions are made together.
So girls, do not give up your God-given dreams. And boys, learn to love girls by releasing them into their destinies.
Footnotes: [back to top]
* While I recognise that most of ignite’s members are not married (far from it), submission outworks itself in dating all too often so you'll come across this as a teenager.
** If you don’t believe me, you can see this in Eph 5:23-24. The woman’s submission is linked to the church, while the man’s submission is linked to Christ, and Christ came first!
*** I’ve known both men and women to argue this (heck, I’ve argued it this way in the past) and I’m not sure if “push comes to shove” is the best way of describing it!!!