Monday, 07 January 2008 01:00 | and posted in Spiritual Disciplines
What has happened?
Yesterday, we had seemed so close. Yesterday, he spoke to me, not just demanding things, but lovingly telling me what he thought about me, apologising for things that have not gone right in our relationship, talking about his concerns - I could tell he trusted me. And he not only spoke, he listened as I whispered words of love, answered his questions, made new suggestions that he hadn't even thought about. Yesterday, we were enjoying spending time in each other's company. I was so full of love for him and I felt his love for me growing as we communicated.
What a shock it was this morning. I was looking forward to hearing his voice again, but when he got up it was as if I did not exist. Not even a grunt in my direction as he gathered his things together and set off for the day. I know he was running late, but just a quick chat would have put him in a better mood for the day.
I long to protect him, give him advice, teach him, help him, but there are large areas of his life that he does not involve me in. Doesn't he realise how well I know him? I know about the things he finds difficult. I know where he feels a failure, all those areas he is trying desperately to patch up on his own. I also know (probably better than he does himself!) what he is good at. I see so much potential in him and I know how to bring it all out to the full. I know the things that concern and worry him; the things he gets passionate and excited about. I share many of his concerns and excitements. What an incredible difference we could make to his world if we tackled its issues together! But he seems to think that I wouldn't be interested in the things that bother him. If it didn't hurt so much I'd laugh! What in the world could possibly not interest me? I care for him and for the things he is involved with so much that I gave my whole life for them.
Does he think that I am only interested in one day of his week? Or that I will only be available to spend time with him in one special place?
'Call to me and I will answer you; I will tell you wonderful and marvellous things that you know nothing about.' (Jeremiah 33:3)