Monday, 01 March 2010 15:06 | and posted in Relationships
The power of hugs to communicate love is well documented. From research into the social affects on unhugged babies in orphanages to every romantic movie ever made. You may have also noticed that in times of tragedy or crisis our human instinct is to hug.
People whose primary love language is hugs need a constant supply of hugs in order to feel loved. To hug lovers a hug not only touches them physically, it also touches who they are inside. To withhold hugs or other forms of physical touch is to communicate rejection rather then love. It's like the physical distance between you and a hug lover is equal to the emotional distance between you.
Because hugs are free, you carry them around with you all the time and it doesn't take much thought to hug someone, the temptation is to go round hugging everyone you suspect of being a hug lover. However, I have to warn you it's not as easy as that!! Hugging people sounds easy but because it isn't it can be one of the hardest love languages to get to grips with.
Hugs tend to only communicate love when they are given by key people in our lives - family and close friends are obvious examples. Random strangers or people who don't particularly like will not make you feel loved when hugged. It matters who is hugging you.
Also, imagine your mum or dad giving you a huge hug in your school playground... "Get off!" or "Let go!" or "Stop it!" would probably be your response! In fact you are more likely to be cringeing with embarrassment rather than receiving love in this scenario. It matters when and where the hugs take place. On the whole private hugs communicate more love than public ones. Just like you would consider the best time to give someone a present, you need to do this with hugs too. People need to be "in the mood" for a hug.
Hugs is not an unthinking love language to speak.
For those of us who are not "huggy" people it can be tough to hug well, I.e. Relaxed and not rigid, for fractions of minutes rather than fractions of seconds. As with talking any foreign language, it will take practise, sacrifice and effort to become a natural hugger.
Based upon Dr Gary Chapman's book, The Five Love Languages.
