Friday, 15 January 2010 08:28 | and posted in Relationships
To love someone well means to give of yourself to them: your time and focus, your energy, your physical presence and touch, your words of affirmation. All five love languages require us to give, yet for some people receiving a physical gift speaks loudest. For Gift lovers receiving a gift is a visible symbol of your love for them that you just can't beat.
The way people desire to be loved is the way they express love. This makes gift lovers the easiest love language to spot as you will tend to receive lots of good gifts from them and not just at birthdays and Christmas but all year round.
A young child with this love language will be constantly coming up to you and presenting you with presents: drawings and other creative endeavours, along with random things they've picked up off the ground and what we shall politely refer to as "potty gifts."* Lo and behold if you reject their gift or are seen throwing it away in a bin or down the toilet!
In a teenager or adult this manifests itself in sending cards, leaving written notes or other "gifts" about the place, buying flowers or chocolates, and regularly implementing the "I saw this and thought of you" method of buying. That last phrase is the crux of the gift love language: giving a physical gift lets the receiver know you were thinking of them. Gift lovers need that physical reassurance you love and care for them in order to receive your love.
Expressing love to a gift lover is not about spending lots of money on gifts, but about showing that you were thinking of them. However, loving a gift lover will often challenge your attitude towards money, particularly if you like to save or just spend pocket money on yourself. It will take a conscious decision to "invest" in the emotional needs of your family or friends.
For those of us who haven't grown up in an environment of a gift lover buying gifts for others probably doesn't come easy. The good news is, it's probably the easiest language to learn. A good starting point is writing down a list of the kind of things they especially like (flowers, chocolate, books etc) and make a written note whenever they are obviously excited about a gift they've received. Then start giving items from this list on a frequent basis!!
Based upon Dr Gary Chapman's book, The Five Love Languages.
FOOTNOTE:
* Potty gifts refer to the contents of the potty being offered as a present to mummy and daddy. You smile, but it's true! Thankfully, not my experience!