Monday, 25 January 2010 16:00 | and posted in Relationships
Action lovers receive love most through people doing things for them: from driving them places to cleaning the house, from helping them out with homework to teaching them how to ski.
The action language can be misinterpreted to mean doing stuff so the person you're loving doesn't get to do anything but sit with their feet up! Sometimes it will, but love is often most communicated to action-lovers when you serve them in something they couldn't or are unable to do. E.g., cooking dinner when they're really stressed and have no time to do it, teaching someone how to take really good photos or offering to put up a shelf. Remember, action lovers love to be active themselves!
Spotting action lovers can be one of the hardest languages to spot. This is because love naturally involves doing things for those you love. Take laundry as an example; this has to be done otherwise your family will never have any clean clothes to wear! Every parent has to do these tasks even though action may not be their love language.
Of all the languages of love, action is the most practical one and requires people to freely serve those with this love language. Indeed Gary Chapman uses the phrase "Acts of Service" to describe this love language. Sadly, the action love language can be the most manipulated of all the five love languages. The old "I'll do this for you if you do that" bargain can be very manipulative. Parents classically use this tactic to get their children to do what they want: "clean your room and I'll drive you to your friend's house," etc! This often can have more to do with control than love. Loving an action lover means that acts you do for them or with them need to be unconditional expressions of love that have no strings attached.
If there's an action lover in your house why not offer to stack the dishwasher, empty the bins, make them a drink or help them with a project they're doing? One idea could be to build 10 minutes into every night to do things for them. Love is about being unselfish and while the non-action lovers amongst us may find these practical tasks boring or a chore our efforts will communicate our love for the person if we do it with the right attitude. If they suspect you are doing it begrudgingly or you make them feel guilty then love is not going to be communicated. So do stuff without being asked and with a smile on your face!
Based upon Dr Gary Chapman's book, The Five Love Languages.
